mellbell111

Well another day, another disappointment.  I started out good again, and ruined it in the afternoon.  I am going to keep trying till I get it right. I figure if I give up, I will just gain back everything I have worked so hard to lose.  I graduated from nursing school about three weeks ago and I have been feeding my emotions. As much as I hated school, I feel like Ive lost a close friend.  I start my new job on the 15th.  Maybe it will keep my mind busy.  Hope you all have a good day.  I am going to eat my moring oatmeal. 

I am having the hardest time getting back on track.  I was doing so well for four months, and then I bombed.  I tend to do well for a portion of the day and then blow it at the end.  I’m really struggling. How did I go from being so good to nothing but down hill.

Ok buddies, I am looking for any ideas to get me out of this ditch that I’m in .  I am looking for some new dinner ideas to get me interested in eating healthy again.  I am so board with food right now.  I feel like I eat the same things all the time.  If you have any easy, tasty, dinner ideas, please send them my way.

I am so disapointed this week.  I was down one pound, but I have eaten so much the rest of the week, I’m afraid to get on the scale.  All that easter candy, and I feel I can usually tell myself no, but I blew it.  It has went down hill from there.  I have overdone it everyday.  TOM came to visit also, but you can only blame him so much.  My stress level at school is through the roof.  I have cried alot the last few days.  I have 28 days left till graduation.  They make it to where we dont know if we are going to pass till one week before graduation.  It is pure torture.  One bad test and Im done.  We have to have at least an 80% to pass any class, and if we dont pass, we have to wait an entire year to go  back, no pressure! I have to hear from my husband everyday “If you dont pass, I dont know what were gonna do”  I am feeding my emotions, because I dont know what else to do.   I have been so busy I have not had much time to get on Buddy slim, but it is exactly what I have needed.  

I thought maybe I would check in with everyone. Its been several weeks since I blogged. I thought maybe my buddies could help me with an issue I’m having.   I have this problem where I sabbatoge myself everytime I am about to accomplish something I really want.  I have been really close to my mini goal and started exercising everyday. So last night I went shopping with my sister and we went out to eat. I ate everything I was not supposed to.  I didnt even care when I was doing it, it was when I was finished that I was so disappointed, and miserably full.  Why do I always do this when I am about to get somthing I want?

Many times,no hundreds of times, I’ve had the start on Monday diet. Eat like a pig on Sunday and jump in with both feet on Monday.  I would last a week or two, and then give myself permission to eat somthing I shouldn’t.  Once this happened, I would slip right back into my old habbits and the diet was over.  It got to the point where I didnt trust myself anymore. My sister would ask do you want to try this diet with me?  Why?  Ive been there done that, It dosent work. I disappoint myself every time.  It was easier not to put myself in that position, than to hold myself accountable and just do it.  But one of the biggest misconceptions I had was that I had to be perfect to succeed. I thought once I disapointed myself, it was all over.  Last week was one of those weeks.  I ended up with a gain, and I was devestated.  I gave myself permission to eat like I always did because it really didnt matter.  The poor me attitude that I have known for many years.  I blogged about how disapointed I was and went on about my business.  In my history with dieting, that would have been the end of this diet.  I would go back to my old habbits and gain everything back I had worked so hard to lose.  

So I come home after a weekend of eating what I wanted and sat down to my computer.  I’ll just check buddy slim and see how everyone is doing.  What did I find?  Words of acceptance and support!  Its like my buddy slim family does for me, what somtimes I cant do for myself.  I was really upset with myself after I read everyones words of support.  I should have read them, before I gave myself permission to quit.  But then I realized I didnt have to quit.  I could fall down and get back up and that was ok.  So I have been back on track this week. Re-evaluating what went wrong last week, and what I could do to fix it.   Well, I must say, I am down 6 pounds already this week.  Of course I had to lose what I had gained back , but I am re energized and ready to go on.  This site is a life saver to me.  Its that support i cant give myself when I need it the most.  I know I am going to reach my goal.  I dont know when, but it will happen because of all of you and the support that you give.  I have been on here since the second week in January. Thats two months! I dont know if i have ever lasted that long. I just want to thank everyone. Words cannot express what you mean to me and the support you give.  

Ok girls, I want to cry. I woke up yesterday at 3:00am to go to my clinical. I weighed in because its that day.  I was up 2 1/2 pounds. I am so discouraged. Of course then I went and ate whatever I wanted at clinicals yesterday. I am so frustrated.  My schedule with nursing school is absolutely horrible. I am so busy I dont know wether Im coming or going. I have to drive 50 miles just to get to class, and I do that four days a week, then I have to drive to clinicals for a twelve hour day, which is also 50miles. And then theres the hours of homework. Oh, and how could I forget about the 48 hrs of working with an RN one on one.  I have to keep focaused on school. I have to pass. I will gradute this may. How do I keep it all together. I want to be healthier and thinner for my graduation, but I feel like Im falling apart.

I’ve had such a hard time getting motivated lately. I seem to gain two pounds every weekend, and spend the rest of the week losing it back. Im hopin to have an actual loss this week.  I started out the week really good.

Since I’ve started back to school, I just let everything overwhelm me, so my orgazational skills went out the door. Im ADD so if I let it, it can get out of control very quickly.  I started MJ’s ten week challenge and hope to get myself back on track.  I’ve been working really hard at school, and have managed to lose 21 pounds since January, so Im going to take a day and treat myself, Im going to get my hair done today. Hopefully it will help me get back on track and along with the ten week challenge get me motivated again.

It happens EVERY TIME I go on a diet and start losing weight. I get sick.  I dont know how many diets I have blown because of getting sick.  I started eating healthy in January, and I have been sick twice already.  It is getting pretty anoying!  Does anyone  have a theory behind this? Would appreiciate any ideas or suggestions.